Are They Ready To Go?

After having our children home for a reunion I was amazed to see how easy it was for them to revert back into their childhood roles and pecking order even though some are responsible adults with children of their own.  This reverting back pertains to us mothers as well. Once you have mothered it is hard to stop, though fulfilling the role of grandmother eases the emptiness of not mothering your own children.  The best part of being a grandmother is watching the full circle of development…your children now become the parents of their own children and you sit back, watching how your parental training is being implemented by the next generation. 

While pondering their visit, ironically on my Internet popped up a list of childhood events outlining signs of developmental milestones regarding a child’s readiness to leave home.  I was curious to read someone else’s viewpoint on this topic since I’ve been through this process a few times now.  The events listed were very “text book” if I can use that expression. 1) Your child is able to leave your side for minutes at a time to play alone. 2)  They play at a friend’s home without you. 3) They can walk, ride a bike or take a bus to school. 4) They develop the ability to stay home alone.  You can see where this is going!  All events listed above display either a physical or basic emotional growth of a child. I couldn’t help think that these events just happen as a natural growth process without any thought or training. It is the behaviors we teach and characteristics developed that will help children, not only be ready to go off on their own, but to be confident in their ability to leave home and to give back to society in a positive manner. 

When do you really know that a child is ready to leave?  What do they need to learn before that time comes?  These are age old questions I’m sure since each child is so different.   Our teachings should go further than the text book development.  For every person reading this article they could provide as many different perspectives as to when we know a child is ready to leave home and with what attributes.  In my own experience I can personally suggest four attributes to be the most important in demonstrating when a child is ready to leave home. 

1. The ability to forgive others. 

2. The ability to show kindness. 

3. The ability to forgive self.

4. A willingness to serve those whom they associate with. 

As you look at these four characteristics you can see that they demonstrate maturing from childhood to adulthood.   It contrasts the development of a toddler in diapers with self-indulgent behavior like taking back their toy to a young man standing in a suit and tie ready to serve with thoughts and actions of giving himself and expressing his concern for others.  These traits are not developed overnight, and everyone on the road to maturity can relapse to self-absorbed behavior.  Thinking back on lessons taught these concepts are reinforced over and over again demonstrating to me that we are all children who are being taught how to leave home successfully.

Shortly after one of our children left for college he called complaining of homesickness and expressed his desire to leave school and return home.  With my mother’s heart I loved to hear those words but wisdom told me that this would be the worst thing.  I reminded him how excited he had been to go off on his own and to be away. I also reminded him of some of the contention that had taken place right before he left reinforcing his need to be on his own which develops the next stage of independence. I then suggested, “It is better to be homesick and away… than sick of home with no where to go.” Daily phone calls and emails helped the situation…or maybe it was just the thought of the alternative…being at home.  Having a choice always makes the situation better. Our children’s independence will come easier for them, with our ability to let them go.

Contributed by Bev from California

Thoughts on Motherhood

Mom To Mom ... Table Talk

“How will I ever love another child? I love Alicia more than anyone else in the world.”  This was the question that I asked myself at age 22 when I found out that I was pregnant with my second child, Brandon.   How our first child even survived the googolplex of kisses that I planted on her is a mystery to me.  Experiencing the love I had as a new mother gave me a pounding heart and a depth of feeling that I had never felt before.  Thirty seven years later at the age of 59 I remember those feelings with fondness and now have a greater understanding of how broad and vast our ability to love is.

Grandchildren, another new feeling of love!  I’m experiencing a crazy, out-of-control loving feeling for my grandchildren!  How can this be possible?  What an amazing feeling?  My heart is pounding again! It’s hard to believe that our fourteenth grandchild will be born within the next two weeks.  Our quiver is already full of grandchildren, but I can guarantee that we will find room for this next child and many more that we hope to be blessed with.   I love being in love with them.  And would you believe that all 6 children, foster children and thirteen (so far) grandchildren have endured all of those kisses?  What is a googolplex times 24 children?  It doesn’t get much better than that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Great grandchildren?  My lips are puckered and my heart is pounding already!

Renee Starr, California Mother of the Year 2013

Thoughts on Motherhood

Chapter Area Happenings... Inland Valley

Next workshop to benefit newborns at Los Angeles County Hospital.  Thanks to the generous donations of Mesa residents we have adequate flannel material supply and a supply of onesies. We now only need boy and girl sleepers.  

Last night the volunteer cutters, ironers, material coordinators, pinners, sewing machine operators, and assemblers prepared 12 packets of items for newborns while enjoying the fellowship of their neighbors.

From Renee Starr.... Inland Valley

Chapter Area Happenings... Santa Barbara

It's Back to School Time! Out in Valencia we are helping a Single Mothers Outreach fill 300 backpacks by August 10th. They are in need of crayons, pens, pencils, colored pencils, rulers, spiral notebooks, folders, glue, and erasers If anyone has items to donate please drop off at my house or contact me for pickup Much appreciated!!

From Darcy Ure from the Santa Barbara Chapter

Mom To Mom... Table Talk

My two youngest (5 weeks and almost 2) and I were sick. After a long night of being up with the baby, I was exhausted. I was laying in bed feeding the baby and my toddler was climbing all over us needing some mommy-time. Both boys started crying. After the baby took a few knees and elbows, I put the toddler in the hallway and closed my bedroom door. He dropped on the floor in front of my door and cried. I felt so helpless! How could I take care of both of my sick boys and my two older girls while feeling terrible myself? I'm so grateful for my two daughters who saw a need and stepped up without even being asked! Sarah (7) took her crying younger brother into her room and played with him. Autumn (9) emptied the dishwasher and washed dishes left over from breakfast.

Being a mom is not always flowers and sunshine. But watching and listening to my girls step up and take care of things reminded me that being a positive example is imperative. I'd like to think that my daughters knew what to do because they've watched and learned from me, but I'm not sure that's true. Women are born with the compassion and desire to care for others, and that is what I witnessed. I'm eager and excited to watch my girls grow up and become mothers, they will do such a great job! But in the meantime I'll try to teach them everything I know and nurture the womanly traits they were born with.

From Stephanie... Young Mother of the Year 2013

Thoughts on Motherhood

As we go about each day serving in our home and communities here is a thought by John Savage that I find useful, "Shout praise and whisper criticism."

by Julie... Vice President of California American Mothers 2013

Mom To Mom ... Table Talk

As we sat down to dinner tonight, the conversation lagged.  So, I threw out "the question of they day."  This gives us to have a topic discussion where we practice listening and sharing.  Our question tonight was as follows: What was something that your mom did, when you were younger, to make you feel loved."  For my kids, they had to share how they know I love them(they're little).  

I thought I knew the answers coming...clean laundry, clean house, gifts for christmas or birthdays, but no.  None of those were mentioned.  

The answers from grown men in the group you ask?  My mom drove me around to all of the things that I needed.  She was there.  Another one commented that his mom wrote notes on his brown paper bag.  He said they weren't just little phrases, but specifics about what she admired in him.  She also made him give her morning hugs.  Another commented that his mom made him yummy mexican food.  He felt so special when she made his favorite dish. My son said that he knew I loved him because I gave him hugs.  I remember that my mom was at my sporting events.  She sacrificed so that I could take piano lessons. 

None of us commented on a clean house, or the laundry folded just so.  Looking back, we all agreed that it was the little things. 

by Sara... Young Mother of the Year 2010

Chapter Area Happenings

These are pictures of the American Mothers/ Mesa Oaks resident's first humanitarian workshop for the month of June in Covina, California.  The flannel blankets that we are making for distressed, preemie and babies from struggling families are so.......cute!  We bought some new and slightly used onsies and sleepers and washed and ironed them.  Then we put the three items in a gallon size Ziploc baggie with a note enclosed saying "Lovingly made by the American Mothers and the Mesa Oaks residents".  

We had such a blast.  The neighbors were so grateful that someone who knew what she was doing could organize these workshops for them.  They expressed that they always wanted to do something humanitarian, but didn't know how to go about doing it.  We worked the scheduled 1 1/2 hours but no one wanted to leave.  We ended up working 3 hours.  Some of us will be going on a field trip to the Los Angeles County Hospital where these packets will be donated to.  Next week is our 2nd workshop.  The board of directors for our neighborhood are now talking about donating to humanitarian efforts on an annual basis.  I think that when we put forth the effort to organize things that people will do what ever they can to support it.  There are a lot of good people in the world. 

Thoughts on Motherhood

Showing Respect

I have never been so touched by a display of respect I observed while driving on the freeway one day. Several motorcycle police had stopped all oncoming traffic on the freeway.  I wondered if there had been an accident as fire engines were lined up on the overpass just ahead.  Firemen were standing at attention on top of their trucks. A large American flag had been lifted in the air by a huge crane.  Continuing on I soon noticed additional fire engines on the next upcoming overpass and then the next overpass as well.  How touched I was when I saw on the empty freeway a caravan of fire engines escorting a white hearse followed by the funeral party with their lights on.  I assumed it was the body of the fallen fireman who had lost his life in recent, devastating fires who was now being honored as he traveled home towards his final resting place.  I was in awe of the respect and honor shown to one of their own who had made the ultimate sacrifice in the service of others.  I was humbled by the reverence and respect displayed by police and fire personnel providing an open freeway while standing reverently at attention as he passed. 

What does this have to do with motherhood you may be asking? It has everything to do with motherhood.  Someone taught these men while they were young… respect for others, work ethics, to be service oriented, to go the extra mile, to not be afraid and to put others above self.  These police and firemen who serve us all had mothers who taught their sons and daughters these attributes. I pondered how no child would ever be emotionally scarred or burdened by being told frequently how great he/she is or how much he/she is loved or how much he/she could affect the world for good. 

When such a tragedy happens it makes us stop and think about what is most important in life.  As for me I came home and called my children and told them how much I loved them and how wonderful it is to be their mother.  Life is just too short to show anything but love, respect and concern for all those around us.  Our homes should be a place where reverence abounds, service is taught, gratitude is expressed and respect for others is the norm.  In witnessing truly happy homes I find family members grateful for what they have and desiring to help others with whom they come in contact.  A genuine respect for others is shown and shared.

Another great example of a different kind of respect happened the other night when we attended a dinner. At our table sat a Catholic priest, three Rabbis, three Muslims!  This made for interesting dinner conversation topics!  What did we have in common?  The answer is simple… a genuine respect for each other, respect for differing beliefs and a willingness to talk and listen, void of judgment.  What a wonderful night we shared together as we laughed, compared, conversed and discovered our similarities.  We enjoyed each other for who we are rather than who we thought each other should be! 

Respect for others is in short supply, causing contentions and disagreements. We can make a difference, maybe not in the big wide world but in the world that we have control over… our homes and our communities. It is in our homes where the basic attitudes of life and character are taught. "Good homes are still the best source of good humans." Neal A. Maxwell. 

Contributed by Bev  California, Mother  of the Year 2012

Mom To Mom - Table Talk

I am a busy mother of four children (ranging from 5 weeks old to 9 years old). Between homeschooling, Girl Scouts, running club, church activities, keeping up with the multiple loads of laundry, and making sure I feed my family I don't have much time for myself. 

I came to the realization that it is important for mothers to take care of themselves. As mothers, we are so devoted to our children and all of the activities that they have going on that we sometimes forget to take care of ourselves! It is important to take a little bit of time to pamper ourselves, or just recharge our mom-batteries! I often beat myself up over taking a few minutes to apply makeup or do my hair. 

My mom-brain says its selfish to take that time away from my children or I don't really NEED to do my hair, there are a million other things that need to be done. But the reality is; I feel better when I take a few minutes of me time, I interact better with my kids, and they never even notice that I'm doing something for myself! I painted my nails. It may not be a full makeover, but it reminds me that I am important!

Stephanie California Young Mother of the Year 2013

Thoughts on Motherhood

“From the beginning of time, the generous sacrifice of motherhood has contributed strength to children...  This quality is appreciated by all nations which honor the spirit of human love, so wonderfully expressed in the concept of family...I can think of no finer representatives than the outstanding women selected by the American Mothers Committee.”

                                    President Dwight D. Eisenhower

                                    In a letter to the American Mothers Committee, 1959

Celebrating National AMI History

Celebrating our History!

On July 13, 1950, five women filed incorporation papers with the state of New York for the American Mothers Committee, organized in 1933 under JC Penny's Golden Rule Foundation, to become a completely independent non-profit organization. The purpose of the organization was to publicize and promote the observance of Mother's Day throughout the world and to issue awards to outstanding mothers.  It was also to study and formulate plans to assist mothers and their families and to take all steps necessary to conduct programs to assist them where needed. 

Today, we celebrate 63 years as an independent non-profit working passionately to honor, educate and serve mothers nationally and across the globe.

Article in the Deseret News, Utah

Stephanie McKnight... California Young Mother of the Year 2013

Stephanie Williams McKnight, named by American Mothers, Inc. as the California Young Mother of the Year, followed the promptings of the Spirit to lay the foundation for her family before she had even found the gospel.

She obtained special permission from the dean of California State University-San Bernardino to take up to 26 credit hours per semester while working as well. "It was a very busy time, but I knew that I was doing it for a reason," McKnight said of her college years. "Looking back, I see that it was a total prompting from the Spirit to get me in the right place at the right time."

She joined the church when she was 21. She had always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom because of her mother's example of commitment to motherhood.

Her final year of college was a busy one — at age 22 she finished her master's degree and married Mitch McKnight. She also became a mother to her husband's two daughters from his first marriage.

At age 25, McKnight is the youngest Young Mother of the Year for 2013. She lives in the small town of Ramona in rural California with her husband, two daughters, two sons, a dog, some chickens and a covey of quail. Her dream of being a mother has now come true, although she never realized it would include farm animals.

"I don't know how this happened," she said with a laugh.

Taking care of the animals is a family affair, and the quail and eggs are considered part of the family's food storage. McKnight is already signed up to teach a class on quail-raising for the school 4-H club when her daughter joins next year.

McKnight continues to use her teaching degrees. She recently began home schooling her daughters. She says this was an inspired decision that has also allowed her to keep teaching, which she enjoys.

She keeps her active, growing family on track by focusing on Christ. She gave one example of teaching her children about kindness by using examples from the scriptures.

"I don't want to just tell them, 'No, it's not right to be unkind,'" she said. "I also want to tell them why from a biblical perspective."

Drawing on companionship from her Relief Society sisters in the Ramona Oaks Ward, especially the examples of her visiting teachers, has helped guide McKnight as a mother. She joined the church less than four years ago but this support along with her love for her family and the Savior make up for any lack of church experience. She tries to visit the women in her ward regularly, cultivating those friendships that will strengthen them both.

"I hope my children remember that I always tried to be an example for them of living a Christ-centered life," she said.

Working to first gain the trust of her two daughters and then add her sons into the family was not easy. However, McKnight began working hard to lay the foundation for her family years before she knew them. "The whole LDS perspective on raising children is that it isn't something that ends," she said. "This is a process that is going to keep us together for eternity."