After having lived the last thirty years as a single parent I have come to realize that the joys and pains aren’t any different for a single mother than a mother in a home with both parents. The joys that are brought into our lives by our children are not determined by our marital status nor are the pains unique to us as a single parent.
I do know from my personal experience, however, that there are numerous differences in the challenges, resources and energy for the single parent. The fact that you must face the daily demands and problems all alone often times becomes overwhelming.
When my kids were young my saving grace was having many good friends. They listened with interest and shared ideas and offered love and encouragement when times were hard. Sometime they took my kids for an afternoon so I could just have time for myself. The lesson I am so grateful to have learned is we can choose the path we want to travel. It can be hard or it can be harder.
I will share one of the hardest times and one of the most joyful times in the following story. It was December and my kids were teenagers. We had very little income and my time at home was limited. I had shared with the kids that Christmas would be light and we would each be getting only one gift. We would not get a tree until Christmas Eve so there would not be decorations all around until the day before Christmas. We would find a tree on the lot when everyone had closed down and the remaining trees were free.
I had to work on Christmas day, which seemed rather discouraging but we would make the best of the holiday. As the week of Christmas came closer, my daughter called and asked if her roommate could come to our house on Christmas as she could not go home to her family. I was a little embarrassed because we would not be having a fancy family dinner and I had no money to buy her friend a gift, but coming to our house was much better than sitting alone in an empty dorm room while everyone else went home.
The boys and I picked the girls up from their dorm at 11:30 p.m. on Christmas Eve. Singing and laughing for an hour as we drove home, all the while watching out the window for a tree lot. It was freezing cold and the roads were covered with ice. Finding an abandoned lot we exited the car and searched the deserted trees to find the perfect one. The kids found this all quite amusing while I found it pretty darn creative. After ten minutes we tied the tree to the top of the VW bus and away we went.
We decorated, sang and laughed as we shared popcorn and hot chocolate until the wee hours of the morning. The pain of being poor and challenged was lifted from my shoulders as I watched the kids share with each other the joys of the season and being together.
Now thirty years later, each of the kids talk about stealing that Christmas tree and all the fun we had together. They do not remember the pain and difficulties we experienced. They remember the joy that was found through love and laughter and snuggling in front of the living room fireplace. Joys and pains of being a single parent are many. But the lessons we learn far outweigh the struggles and pain we encountered along the way.
Contributed by Lauraine from California
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