Thoughts on Motherhood

Watching Your Children Grow

There is something extraordinary in watching your children grow up.  It all happens too fast...like one moment taking your child’s picture wearing a diaper and standing in Daddy’s shoes, and what seems like the next moment, buying that child his own first pair of size 10 shoes. 

For me, reality hit with the hand-me-down skirt that was given to my 7-year-old Becca that was sizes too big.  One morning she dressed herself, putting on that perfectly pink over-sized skirt.  She ran downstairs searching for me.  Standing there with the skirt draping on the floor, she asked, “Mommy, does this fit me yet?”  “No,” I answered.  She sighed and a sad look crept over her face.  “I’ll never be big enough.  I’ve tried it on every week and it still doesn’t fit!”  That moment imprinted on my heart.  “Stay little,” I thought.  “No....stay innocent, stay sweet, and stay my little girl.”  

So my quest became preserving that sweetness that children bring so naturally to families.  I try to take the perfect pictures.  I write in journals with them, and sometimes for them.  I kiss them when they are sleeping. At times when my husband and I are tempted to roll our eyes, we try to remind each other, “Someday we’ll miss that.”  

I think attempting to see the world from the perception and perspective of children is really healthy at times.  My youngest crawled in my bed one morning.  “What in the world I am I going to do when you leave me and go to kindergarten?” I asked.  “You’ll leave me all by myself at home.”  My Maryn had a brilliant 4-year-old answer.  “You can do the dishes. Then you can read or write in your journal.  And maybe you could sleep for a little minute.”  She amazed me with her important life components:  work hard, enjoy moments, and then rest.

The spiritual perception of children amazes me as well.  I was asked once, “Mom, I’m thinking about 2 people and they are brighter than the sun.  Who am I thinking about?”  That’s a girl that might quite possibly know more about God and Jesus Christ than I do.  And I still think of the time one daughter went to the Glory of Christmas production many years ago, and came home describing every detail of the live nativity.  Alex finally just had to ask, “Becca, did you go to Bethlehem?”  I think Bethlehem is actually quite near to children.

These kids grow up.  They have new desires and new appetites.  Alex at one point told me, “Mom, when I grow up I want to work in the judicial branch because I like to think about laws...like when there’s a drought, I can help people not waste water.  Or like saying don’t drive airplanes too low unless they are landing.”  Now he tells me he wants to be an engineer.  He will be.  But I think he will be committed to using just laws and discipline to be the best engineer he can be, just as he planned to use laws and discipline to be a great worker of the judicial branch.

By far, the greatest thing I can offer my growing children is my never-ceasing love for them.  From the moment I first held them in my arms, I committed to them my unconditional love.  Some days are easier to show love than others.  We all face disappointments, frustrations, thoughtless moments, and failures.  But I never want my kids to doubt I love them.  I want them to be confident like my Eliza who came home from school a few years back and declared, “Mom, when I’m Kinder of the Week, you can come and tell everybody you love me!”  Of course I will, I thought.  That’s exactly what I want the world to know.

Contributed by Amy from California

Ideas for Service

So many of you have ask what kind of projects to do in your areas that I feel a list of ideas would be most helpful to you. These are only a few and will probably give you a starting point or better yet spark an idea of your own.  I believe in the old saying that goes... "Great ideas are seldom original but borrowed!" I say... "That's what life is all about."  Follow those who have gone before you and build upon the past of others. You are most welcome to add comments to this post and share your ideas with all of us.

1. Get to know your community. What organizations are already in place that help women and children? Why start something new if you can help one that is already in place. Find out their needs and help in those areas.

2. Contact your local library to see if they will partner with you on a lecture series for mothers while their children are at reading time in the library.  Contact local professionals in the areas with expertise in motherhood and parental guidance that all young mothers need to augment their skills. Those professionals will give a level of expertise to the lectures.

3. Contact the local Children's Social Services to see if there is anything you can do for them.  I heard of one group who collected stuffed animals and made blankets to give to small children when they were taken out of their home because of court order.  The blanket and small animal were a comfort to the children at a time of unrest in their lives.

4. Call your local school district to see if there are programs in place for after-school that you may help with.  One organization in our community has a complete mentoring program for children who have no one at home after school.  They provide tutoring to help with homework as well as a safe place for them to be.  Many items can be donated to groups like this.

5. Have a book drive to give to the local homeless family shelters in your area.

6. Look on the internet for service ideas. We live in a wonderful time when the world is at your fingertips.  Ideas are plentiful and shared by everyone.

7. If your group of American Mothers is small, partner with a local community women's organization or Faith Community.  See if their group would be willing to work with you on an idea you have set up and created.  Not only will you make many new friends but you will also let them be aware of what American Mothers is all about.

8. Contact the local county hospital and see if they are in need of baby items for the mothers who come in to have their babies yet have nothing to put on them when they take them home from the hospital.  Our local American Mothers just delivered over 200 baby kits to the local county hospital.  They were overjoyed with our donation to them.  Those baby kits will be greatly appreciated.

9. Have a block party on your street to organize a project for the community that you as neighbors can work together on.

10. Involve your family! I cannot think of a better way to teach children to think of others as when they serve others themselves.  

Most of all remember that service in a personal thing as well as a group activity. "Have I done any good in the world today?"... is the question we should ask ourselves.  Doing service is more fun with others are involved and fills our need as women to be with other women.  Laughter, love and unity is what makes us whole.  Good luck in your adventures of service.  Many hands lighten the load. 

 by Bev Nelson, California American Mother's President. 

The Stranger In The Mirror

People always joke about a woman named “Molly”.  You know, the mythical woman who is perfect and does everything like a supermom.  She has a house full of children; her house is always perfect and hot meals are cooked every night.  She bakes cookies for the neighbors on a regular basis, works, does her family history, keeps a daily journal and her windows sparkle for heaven’s sake!  “Molly” looks like a million bucks in her homemade clothing, makeup and beautiful hair-do. Oh, yah, and she sews clothing for her perfect children.  Did I mention that when her husband comes home she greets him with a smile while he twirls her around and kisses her at the exact moment that her heel kicks up?

Everyone laughs when talking about “Molly”, except me.  “Molly”, describes my mother exactly, and I mean every detail!!!  I was so proud of myself when I called her at 10 o’clock one morning.  “Hi! mom!” I said, anxious to brag about all that I accomplished so far.  “I’ve already cleaned up the kitchen after making pancakes for the kids and I just finished making chili in the crock pot for tonight.” Then came her reply, “I’ve been busy, too.  I got up early to work outside, trimmed the hedges and raked up all of the leaves in the yard.  Then I took a shower and have just finished making home-made soup; the home-made rolls are rising on the stove.” My mother is absolutely incredible!  I find joy watching this amazing woman.

Over the last 12 years, my joy has become a heartache. Slowly, but surely, that dreadful Alzheimer Disease is taking the mother I have always known away.  This is a difficult journey for our family.  She lost her ability to read, watch TV and entertain herself in the early stages of this disease.  Our attitude of finding joy in the journey has helped us tremendously.

The day that mom met the stranger in the mirror is a blessing.  She found a new best friend!  Thankfully, there are many mirrors throughout the house. Mom pointed her finger at the stranger and smiled.  “You are a beautiful woman!” she said.  “Yes, you are….you’re beautiful!”  Mom giggled and so did her friend.  Day and night mom tried to coax her new found companion out of the mirror.  Mom reassured her own reflection that everything would be alright. 

I know that the mother I have always known is still there even though she cannot hold me or speak to me. She has spent a lifetime being kind to strangers and young people with problems.  It only seems natural that she would reach out in kindness to the stranger in the mirror.  For many years she has been kind to another stranger - me.  Although she is confined to a bed and sleeps most of the time, I find joy in knowing that she is still a “Molly”.

Contributed by Renee from California

Thoughts on Motherhood

Blending Families

Blending families together can be a challenging yet immensely rewarding opportunity.  Through my marriage to my husband, I have had the opportunity to be a mother to two wonderful young girls.  In the course of blending our family together as one, I learned many important lessons and tips to make things a bit easier on everyone involved (especially the children).

First of all, it is important to recognize that your immediate family unit comes first.  I will be forever grateful that my husband allowed me to step in as Mom and parent our girls.  Before marriage, we extensively discussed what our parenting roles would be and how we would work together to discipline and reward our children.  I believe this helped to create a smooth transition for us and keep consistency within our home.

After getting married I spent a lot of time getting to know my new daughters and working through fears and concerns they had.  It is important for children to feel loved and accepted, especially when feelings of doubt enter regarding sharing their biological parent with someone else.  Reassurance, new routines (no matter how mundane), and new family traditions help children to feel secure and loved within their family unit.  Knowing we wanted to add more children to our family, we wanted to make sure our girls knew they were equally important as any other children that would join our home.  One way I did this was to never refer them as my “step” children.  Through movies and television, step parents have been given a bad name which emulates them as evil tyrants who oppress and mistreat their “step” children.  By referring to the girls as my children they never had to question how much I love them or if things will be different when other siblings join the family.

After ensuring the immediate family unit is taken care of, it is important to address the concerns of extended families and reassure them that the children are doing well despite the changes within the home.  I am a firm believer that children can never have too many people in their lives that love them unconditionally, which includes grandparents on both biological sides.  I am extremely blessed that I have a strong, understanding relationship with my girl’s grandparents (on their biological mother’s side).  It was essential that I showed respect to the relationships that had been established well before I was in the picture.  The grandparents of course felt some uncertainty about what the future would hold; how often they would see their grandchildren, what happens if other children enter the family, etc.  I made it clear early on that I had no intentions of straining these relationships or pulling the children away. In fact I wanted the opposite.  I hoped we could spend holidays together and have frequent visits.  Through open communication and respect, we have been able to create a wonderful, loving environment for my girls in which we can all spend time together and enjoy each other’s company.  They are always welcome in our home and we use technology to stay close when face to face visits are impossible.

I am grateful for the opportunity that I have been given to be part of a blended family.  It has been such a rewarding process and it is amazing to see our family grow and become closer along the way.  My heavenly father has never left my side and has been there to provide inspiration and advice throughout my unique journey to motherhood.

Contributed by Stephanie from California

Thoughts On Motherhood

What Does It Mean To Be A Mother?

What does it mean to be a mother?  Over the past 14 years I've been blessed to be the mother to six of the most amazing kids in the world. 

We've had a great time together celebrating the normal, every day things of life; blowing bubbles, peanut butter sandwiches for lunch, homework, afternoons at the park, driving carpools here and there and everywhere. In many ways it was just how I had imagined it.

But a couple of years ago a new normal seemed to enter my life without warning. It seemed no matter where we went or what we did always ended up in the hospital. 

Gymnastics injuries, triathlon broken back and ribs, jump-roping broken hips, orthopedic surgeries, body casts, wheelchairs, hospital beds at home, numerous x-rays and MRIs.  You name it; we did it. And just when we thought the medical storms in our life had passed, I gave birth to a sweet and perfect baby girl with 3 heart defects. 

Nothing can prepare a mother for the words "your baby needs open heart surgery."  I sat in stunned silence staring blankly at the doctors as I processed this shocking news.  How could this be?

In the weeks and months that followed I learned a very different side of mothering that was new to me. I was rarely home at all and there was hardly time for the park or play dates or the other normal things of life.  I was in survival mode.

This is what I learned.  Sometimes being a mother means being brave even when you're not.  Sometimes it means taking your child to the doctor every single day.  It means being up night after night and getting up day after day even when you're so exhausted.  It means making it through one more day.  It means smiling even when you want to cry.  

These past few years of storms have been a blessing to me.  Sometimes in all the chaos I could see clearly what really mattered in life.  All the extra worries in my life just seemed to melt away as I focused on the important needs of my family.

As I walked out of the hospital in February I sat out front waiting for my husband to bring the car around.  We were so grateful to be taking our little miracle home who had endured so much in her short ten months.  As I sat there thinking of all that we had been through, I met a mom named Tracy.  She introduced me to beautiful baby girl named Skyler.  "What are you here for?" she asked me.  I responded that Claire had just had open-heart surgery a few days before. She was so sweet asking me questions about how we knew, her symptoms, and when we found out.  As my husband’s car pulled into view we started loading up our precious baby and hospital bags. I turned to her to say goodbye and wished her luck with her baby and asked what was she at Children's Hospital for. I learned that her sweet and perfect baby had cancer.

In that moment I realized that everyone has something they are dealing with.  Everyone.  Most of us are so aware of our own struggles that we don't see others' difficulties very clearly. But Ian MacLaren noted wisely, “Let us be kind to one another, for most of us are fighting a hard battle.”

Because that's what we do as mothers.

Contributed by Darcy from California

Thoughts On Motherhood

Something every family should teach and live by!

Thoughts On Motherhood

National Mother of the Year 2013 Visits California

Judy Cook, the National Mother of the Year 2013 and her husband Fred Cook came over  for a visit with Renee Star California Mother of the Year 2013.  They were here from Utah to visit their children and grandchildren. Renee's husband, Jonathan was also present.  The four of Them had a wonderful lunch and visit together.  Judy is an amazing lady who is an inspiration to us all.  They discussed ideas on how to promote the American Mothers in our Areas. Judy enjoyed looking at the packets that the Mesa Oaks residents and the Relief Society organization of the Covina, California area have put together for the L.A. County and USC Medical Center. We will be visiting and touring the Medical Center soon. 

They talked a lot about the difference that each of us can make in our communities as we share a part of ourselves and strive to lift others in need.

Map from the Washington Post

Thoughts on Motherhood