Blending Families

Blending families together can be a challenging yet immensely rewarding opportunity.  Through my marriage to my husband, I have had the opportunity to be a mother to two wonderful young girls.  In the course of blending our family together as one, I learned many important lessons and tips to make things a bit easier on everyone involved (especially the children).

First of all, it is important to recognize that your immediate family unit comes first.  I will be forever grateful that my husband allowed me to step in as Mom and parent our girls.  Before marriage, we extensively discussed what our parenting roles would be and how we would work together to discipline and reward our children.  I believe this helped to create a smooth transition for us and keep consistency within our home.

After getting married I spent a lot of time getting to know my new daughters and working through fears and concerns they had.  It is important for children to feel loved and accepted, especially when feelings of doubt enter regarding sharing their biological parent with someone else.  Reassurance, new routines (no matter how mundane), and new family traditions help children to feel secure and loved within their family unit.  Knowing we wanted to add more children to our family, we wanted to make sure our girls knew they were equally important as any other children that would join our home.  One way I did this was to never refer them as my “step” children.  Through movies and television, step parents have been given a bad name which emulates them as evil tyrants who oppress and mistreat their “step” children.  By referring to the girls as my children they never had to question how much I love them or if things will be different when other siblings join the family.

After ensuring the immediate family unit is taken care of, it is important to address the concerns of extended families and reassure them that the children are doing well despite the changes within the home.  I am a firm believer that children can never have too many people in their lives that love them unconditionally, which includes grandparents on both biological sides.  I am extremely blessed that I have a strong, understanding relationship with my girl’s grandparents (on their biological mother’s side).  It was essential that I showed respect to the relationships that had been established well before I was in the picture.  The grandparents of course felt some uncertainty about what the future would hold; how often they would see their grandchildren, what happens if other children enter the family, etc.  I made it clear early on that I had no intentions of straining these relationships or pulling the children away. In fact I wanted the opposite.  I hoped we could spend holidays together and have frequent visits.  Through open communication and respect, we have been able to create a wonderful, loving environment for my girls in which we can all spend time together and enjoy each other’s company.  They are always welcome in our home and we use technology to stay close when face to face visits are impossible.

I am grateful for the opportunity that I have been given to be part of a blended family.  It has been such a rewarding process and it is amazing to see our family grow and become closer along the way.  My heavenly father has never left my side and has been there to provide inspiration and advice throughout my unique journey to motherhood.

Contributed by Stephanie from California